Divorce and co-parenting create unintended consequences. Mostly, we hear about the negative consequences of ending a marriage. Yet divorce can also be a gift we give our children and ourselves.

If you’re wondering if your husband is having an affair, here are 7 signs you he might be:

1. He spends a lot of time away from home. This could be working late or frequent out of town business trips.

2. He refuses to use the online family calendar, or participate in a locator app used by the rest of the family, such as Life360.

My great-great grandfather, Thomas Malcolm, was not a nice person. He and his first wife had a son who never lived with them.

The son lived in care. At age 4, he fell down some steps (say the reports) and languished for about a week before he died.

When Thomas’ wife was pregnant with their second child, he reported her to the authorities as a bigamist.

She was convicted, and their second child - a girl this time - was born in prison. As their marriage had been moot, the baby was born a bastard.

The wife had been in care as a child. She married at 16.

Her first husband died in an accident when he was riding in the bucket, being pulled from a coal mine. I read the report on the Mining Association (UK) website. It was grisly.

When I was 18, I decided to live without regret.

I acted as if I had six months left to live.

Seriously. Every potential new adventure, I’d ask myself, “If I had six months left to live, would I regret not doing this?”

There was, in no particular order: Kalimantan (which you may know as Borneo), Moscow, St. Vincent, Dominica, driving to Mexico to study Spanish, and many more. Even a university degree, and work as a political activist and as a tree planter.

Most adventures were sublime. With a few, “challenging” was a polite euphemism.

I'm not a big Charlie Brown fan, and I don’t have a garden, yet this year I've grown a giant pumpkin. 

Growing any pumpkin wasn't pre-mediated. When I went to the garden shop around June 20, I was looking for tomato plants. But there it was: a giant pumpkin.

To be precise: a Dill’s Atlantic Giant Pumpkin plant. My first husband and I visited the Dill farm in Nova Scotia, on our honeymoon. Since we divorced peacefully, the plant’s connection to my first marriage didn’t matter. Instead, because I’d been there, I was intrigued.

The pure whimsy of trying to grow a giant pumpkin, without a garden, starting late in the season ...

Pay attention to the words you use and hear.

Especially when you're involved in a conflict and want to resolve the issue amicably. It might be divorce. A squabble with your business partner. A tiff with your sibling or a co-worker. Even a misunderstanding between a parent and a child.

In disagreements, some people use words to gain power.