How to avoid the divorce from hell
You’ve reached the point when you know your marriage is over. You want your divorce to be as easy as possible: amicable, with your children not caught in the middle of an ugly and expensive court battle.
You have no experience with divorce, and you know you need help. You don’t want a divorce from hell.
You turn to your mom, your sister, your best friend. Unless your confidant truly is exceptional, you’ve just started down the road to the divorce from hell.
That’s right. The road to divorce hell is paved by listening to your family and friends.
They mean well. They want to support you. Their version of supporting you:
telling you your spouse is a jerk
telling you that you need to act fast and get a tough lawyer to protect your rights, or your spouse is going to walk all over you, and you won’t be left with anything.
You go into panic mode, and find the toughest lawyer they recommend.
You don’t stop to ask if this lawyer is right for you. You hire the lawyer they recommend.
Then you wonder why you and your spouse can’t even talk anymore about your children.
Before asking your friends for advice, remember they won’t be paying the bills from the lawyer for the court applications.
They won’t have to live with the stress every day for two years until the court battle is done. They won’t have to figure out how to rebuild when it is all over.
They have no skin in the game, so likely their advice isn’t the best for you.
If you wonder what divorce usually costs, here’s a link that takes you to information about the average costs to divorce.
Your friends are like the family members who used to give me advice about a vintage car I owned.
It was a 1975 Mercedes Benz 240D. Essentially a yellow tank without any frills. It was quirky and handled like a dream. I named it “Cecil”. I loved it and felt fantastic every time I got behind the wheel.
Unfortunately, Cecil hadn’t been well cared for by the time I bought it for a song. He’d been in an accident and had spent most of his life parked. I grew to learn that every time I would drive him for any amount of time, Cecil would break down. Old Mercedes cost a lot to fix. If I didn’t have money right then, I would park it in my garage until I could afford the repairs.
I spent a lot of money on Cecil.
Finally, I decided enough was enough. I found a buyer for $300 when it needed $2,000 in repairs. I told my family I was selling it, and they thought I was crazy.
“It’s such a great car! It’s a member of the family! How can you think of selling Cecil?” They went on and on.
My response: “That’s easy for you to say, because you don’t have to pay the repair bills. I’m tired of spending money on Cecil. The time has come for him to go.”
Be like me.
Do what works for you. Follow your instincts. After all, you’re the expert of your family, not them.
The best thing you can do to have an amicable divorce: thank your friends and family members for their advice, and then do what you know is right.
This could be hiring a lawyer.
If it is, take the time to find one that matches your values and goals. This way, you’ll be happier with the results. If you want to know how to learn who’s the best lawyer for you, click on this link to a short video course.
If you’re not sure if hiring a lawyer IS right for you at this time, take this quiz and find out.
It could be hiring a mediator, or a consultant who works behind the scenes with you, crafting strategies and conversations. This is what I do. If you want to chat with me about how I can best support you avoid the divorce from hell, it’s as easy as a 15-minute no obligation conversation.
You’re the expert. You know what’s best.
It could also mean joining a community of women who are experiencing divorce too, even from narcissists. They’ll understand exactly where you are, and will give you the support you need to move forward.
See yourself as the CEO of your family, and avoid the divorce from hell. This way, you’ll get the support and guidance that works best for your family. Isn’t that what you and your children need?