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When is the right time to ask for a divorce?

Oct 18, 2019

It's never going to be the right time to ask for a divorce.

Whenever you think "I'm going to tell him tonight", you'll think of at least four reasons to do the opposite. "He's going on a business trip tomorrow." "He's really stressed and I don't want to add to it." "I need to figure out how to tell our children first." "I don't want to stay in the house after I tell him."

Stuff like that.

You come up with the reasons NOT to tell him, because you don't want to hurt him. In reality, you're hurting already. A lot. If you weren't, you wouldn't be at this crossroads. 

You're never going to come up with the perfect words, or the perfect time to tell your spouse you want a divorce.

Why? Because you're about to acknowledge that your relationship as spouses is over, dead. That is heavy. It is not a topic we're taught to address. It is emotion-laden and tragic. We expect "happily ever after" in a marriage and you know your's is done. This is true for everyone who has ever wanted to separate. So we shy away from it, but inside, we're dying.

Have you ever thought that perhaps he's hurting in the relationship too? Dying a little every day that his needs aren't met? That he's drifting in the familiarity of your daily dance of avoidance techniques masked in cold politeness? That he knows in his heart your relationship is no longer working, but he doesn't know what to do? Or that he is stuck on auto-pilot? Perhaps he wants to tell you, but doesn't want to hurt you?

Never the perfect time, but perhaps whatever time you pick is the right time. And the words you choose are the right words. Just pick the time, and tell him.

Doing so, each of you has a chance at happiness

 

If you need help finding the words to ask for a divorce in a peaceful, kind way, book your free 20 minute Drama-Free Divorce Discovery Session to get started.

Choose Peace.

Sign up now for Kim's free "Divorce Script" and plan how to tell your spouse you want a divorce. 

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